As Christian I always fight back or debating if someone, Internet forum, or Islamic society try to Insult my Christianity. I think others will do that too, because all that I know, read and understand (Bible) will push and pull my exploding adrenalin up to my brain until my answer or reason in debating succeed. Debating success, it makes my brain satisfy. In the other side, was my heart satisfied?
I try to write this posting because of most internet forum or other person (my aunt who have theology title) did things and explain like they want to make me believe and trust what they had take from their experience or academy/college. They want to make up my mind so their conclusion will make like a doctrine. Look what they had done to my brain? In the other side a new question appears, am I an atheist?
Let me introducing my self. My parents have 2 different hell boys and 1 nice boy. I was born January 1976 we are Christian. You can describe my attitude by yourself. For your information I’m a trouble maker in my community and families, until now maybe. My brother was born august 1982, he’s handsome, cool, and we call him altar boy. Everybody loves him. And the last naughty boy was born as twin in august 1988. His twin couple was born 6 minutes after him. And then the last pass away 6 days after they were born. I don’t like him actually, because all he had done same with mine, ego? Well, that’s natural the oldest want to manage his brothers. 1976(6)-1982(6)-1988(6)-1988(rip) each had 6 years different birth so I try to calculate and then ‘666’ appear.
I always asking my self why this symbol of satan appear in our birth? Is it curious or something scary? I had so many reasons to clarify this curious of our birthdays.
65 years ago :
My father lived as a real step son because his real father was Japanese (Yoshio Ogawa) who left his mother after war. His Japanese name was Toru Ogawa. My father said he was a silk scientist/trader. After war he back to Japan because of Hiroshima and Nagasaki bombed by US, war is over. Nobody knows where is he now. Before I went to Japan for my job training he said that your grand father lived in Yokohama. But I didn’t try to search him.
His mother married by Chinese to help families financial. His brother was born. After that his mother passed away. What a sad history, when he need figure of his childhood, his mother called by her destiny. Now he lived alone, he had one brother with a same mom but another father. After all sadness ends, his step father married again with someone who used to very close with this family. Even his mother trusts everything about all families need and all services. Two brothers and three sisters were born in that wedding. He thought all sadness had ended, badly he never told me about the next story. After his step mother and step father pass away, all legacy divided. He never known what happen about his legacy, his step brother told that it sold by his youngest brother. He said never mind, but there was something mad in his mind (probably). Unfortunately my mother said legacy from a person could sell but legacy from Jesus could not sell! It made him freeze.
Present day:
We moved to this city because my father had a commitment with his step brother who lived and work in US. His step brother legacy was a house in the middle of the city. He wants his house stayed by us because of he will back after all of his sons finish their academy or college. It’s about 15-20 years. That commitment approved by both of them.
We lived as well as another family in this city. At the past my father had a good job. He serves his family as perfect as he can. Because of his company had some financial problem, they want a half of employees retired. That was a bad news for us. Unfortunately, my mother family needs someone to manage his rice mills in the other city. As soon as possible, after house and all stuff sold we moved to that city.
We lived with all our humble, my father manage that mill with all his ability. That rice Mills location +/- 4 hours from our house. He ride his old scooter every Monday morning to his mill. He’ll back home every Saturday afternoon to meet his lovely family, twice a week.
We through that kind of live with no argue. My mother saw that our financial was not enough to recover our live. Then she tries to help my father with her own ability. Cooking, trading daily needs in front of our house, she could do anything woman matter/job.
One day because of my father sister want to married and she following his husband, that house of legacy was empty, other brothers had their own house. So, the owner (who live and work in US) make an appointment and commitment with my father to stay in his house, at the middle of the city 15-20 years contract with no payment as a brother. My parents thought that it might be until we, husband and wife pass away. Actually it’s been 23 years now. Considering their age my mother 45 my father 54. It was human plans, God plans was different. Human could change their promises. God never! Now, they are 66 and 57 years old.
3 or 4 years ago after my father loose his job and than my mother had to think. How our family could live? She try to trade again, anything! The 2 hell boys and 1 altar boy never realize their parents problem. Until a letter from owner of the house arrived!
In 2 weeks we’ll come back, please prepare 1 or 2 room for us. What a big surprised! Our family from US comes to visiting us here. But it cancelled, we didn’t know why. 1 year ago his brother from US comes to visiting us alone, without his sons and wife. Actually he just wants to prepare some document here for his business or college in US while visiting families.
We didn’t know, was it just a common visiting or what. But 1 month after, his sister comes visiting us. I thought it was a special visit just wants to check the house of legacy. It had 4 rooms. I didn’t stay there because I’m married with no son. Altar boy still stays there because he could far from mother. Beastie boy stay at home only when he need money or meal. After that, disappears. That’s why my mother renting two rooms just to do help our financial, remembering my father has age gone old and loose his job.
The special visit from his sister after the owner back to US, made some controversy. This house did not for rent, but for all of you to stay. Why your son didn’t buy a house for your parents? As I know, he worked at Japan. I just standing hear that anger. I try to swallowing that problem, but my heart said that was my fault. To many madness I’d done while in Japan. This is the curse. I left Japan 7 years ago, with all my regret. No money to save, all new behaviors that I never met in my country that makes me wonder and surprised. Drink, women from around the world to buy, rent or contract, gamble (pachinko), and work as a god (Japanese wisdom).
I thought after his sister back, the problem will cooling down. In fact, a letter that we never realize came from US. It makes the Curse authorized. A new suffering created!
For the first time in my life I saw my father crying. Why? He said this is parents matter. Stay out from this problem. You don’t need to know. As a son finally I could read that letter. What a big problem for us! In 2 months we will back, stay out from our house no matter happen!
You know what happen after my father read that letter? While crying His right hand start to cramp and now a half of his body couldn’t move until today. Doctor said it was stroke! It came from stress and a lot of think to thinking. That’s why; header of this posting was ‘SIMPLE MIND’. I didn’t know this posting make me a little fresh or satisfy. I just want to show, how bad habits, commitment to person, push our mind hard and never give all our problems to Jesus made new problem that we never realize. But our birth distances in our brotherhood create ‘666’? Am I cursed? Or planned to become an atheist or something that make me think hard until it makes me crazy? God, give me a break let me finish all my bad situations and have a ‘Simple Mind’ do not make my ‘Mind as a Source of Trouble’.
Now, all he do was just sleep, sit, eat, angry when he wait my mother came late from her job as a cooker in Christian school canteen, laugh when I massage his leg or arm while tell him a joke or watching TV, make some conversation that make him think enjoy. Although he couldn’t speak clearly. Every time I saw him my heart want to blown up saw his suffering. Everyday was a waiting when his live taken. It could be the CURSED. I really wonder, everybody who came just want to show their mercy and start to blame what he had been doing at the past, his lifestyles (smoke, coffee, hard worker).
One thing that I never forget; when he’s crying and said; I never blame them, because we never save money in a bank and through this life with all our high consume.
Finally the last word that he try to said and unforgettable, although it was not clear to heard but he try with all he can to speak. Told him in US; take his house after I pass away!
Actually I want to yell and barking like a dog, send him email to complain and explain all. But I thought who’s wrong? It makes me shame and all my ego appears. I must find the way. My parents must stay out from there, no matter what to do.
Until now mom could only pray and wait. I didn’t know what to do until a miracle come. Where will my parents stay after the house of legacy taking back by the owner?
Sometimes there was a sickmind from my sickbrain to sell my kidney to handle this trouble. But is it enough to solve these problems? What do you want me to do? Pray? When that time come, pray could solve?
How if I become an atheist? Somebody could help? Help with what? Money? And then i left and deny Jesus. What will happen? That sign will help me through the way of happiness, satisfaction and solve all?
Satan, please come and talk. I turn the screw to the left direction and my heart will wide open so we can discuss what you want. Even though I want you and my heart is screaming, just come! I’ll give you what you want, I’ll do anything but first, you must solve my problems! Don’t makes my madness come again; remember what you had been done to me when you use ‘tae kwon do to breaking my live? Remember when you guide me to the Mosque in front of the main street near my house and you tell me to telling to the yeller in there to stop yelling?! (15:30) and then when i go to my training in the afternoon you told me to fight with my instructor and senior with all false victory?! (16:30) After that remember when I go to the Moslem university and destroy their entire symbol in front of their campus?! (22:00) Remember when with all anger they want to kill me?! (22:10) Remember all punch and kick after a fake fight makes me fall into drainage and they thought that ‘he’s already dead?! (22:30) Remember when my mother and father crying saw me in bhayangkara hospital with all my wounds at my head, body and soul?! (24:00) remember when you make me told everything mad?! (01:00) remember when you treat me like your brother at let me crazy and my mother take me to the stress center hospital near my house?! Even when my company told me to go to the other city for employee rotation?! (3 years ago) Remember when I driving like a Juan p Montoya to the airport and makes all girls and men in the car fear because I’m driving like him?! Remember when I went to the discotique and yell to make them stop their music and dirty dancing?! (22:00) Remember when I went to the head army base and run over the beach and start to yell?! (23:30) Remember when 3 army kick and punch me?! (12:00) remember all the things that you create to humiliate me until now?!!! Pay it all!
Unfortunately Jesus through my Wife took me back to this city and makes me calm down and through my life to forget all my madness because of him/her. Why I call you him or her? That’s because you had both of it (pair), right?
From now on, I don’t want to discuss or posting anything about all controversy. I’ll try to make a new tab call ‘Love against hate’ who’s the winner?
Let me rest for a while, who knows It come in my dream? I’ll be back soon, see you later, Adios amigos, ciao, sayonara, sampai jumpa, & vaya condios …
Regards,
Sickbrain and mind from sickpeacer
